My wife (26f) and I (26m) both work 4 days a week, I work 12hr shifts and she works 8hr shifts. She would work more, but our daughter (1f) needs to be picked up from daycare. I leave for work before they wake up and some days get home after our daughter has gone to bed.

This week, our daughter’s daycare provider was sick, so my wife took the week off of work to care for her. I worked an extra day to make up for her lost income, so it all worked out fine (or so I thought)

She seemed stressed still, so I asked her what was wrong. She broke down, saying that she is struggling with balancing work, caring for our daughter throughout the week, and keeping our house clean/cooking/etc. I responded calmly by saying that I can’t miss work or reduce hours. We simply cannot afford it.

She responded by saying she knows that, but it is overwhelming for her, and the house chores are piling up. I told her 90% of the problems with messiness could be solved if she picked up after herself. If she just put the used butter knifes in the sink after she was done, and rinsed bottles/cookware/etc. I will happily do the dishes when I get home from work. Hell, I’ll even put them away after. But I do not want to play scavenger hunt and look around the house for things to wash.

She did not respond to me after I said that other than a quiet okay before going to console our daughter who woke up early from her nap. She still seemed upset with me still, so I vented to my coworker about what happened. He says I was being an asshole because I didn’t even listen to what she wanted. I feel like I was perfectly reasonable. Am I the asshole?